Monday, October 19, 2015

Living life, in misery and woe.

Have you ever felt like screaming out loud, because who you showed people you are is not who you are.

Is life fair?
Can people really do what their hearts say?
Do people really get what they want if they work hard for it?

Tell yourself. Are you living the life? Are you living the dreams?

Are you tired of pretending?

Do you have something that you have been longing for, so close to get it but it slips away?

Is education the only way?

Woke up in tears, realising you are not where you supposed to be.

I don't believe in fate. But I believe in creating our own fate. Where did I do wrong?

Pretending to be strong isn't easy.... Sometimes you break down and cry.

Did I take it for granted? Time slips away, I wish I could do something to fix it.

I hate it. This isn't the life I am supposed to live. I know I deserve better. I know should be somewhere better.

Friday, March 27, 2015

uhuk :(

aku :(
stress :(
gila :(
uhuk :(
fon :(
rosak :(
so :(
online :(
guna :(
laptop :(
sapa :(
nak :(
bagi :(
aku :(
iphone :(
tapi :(
result :(
aku :(
teruk :(
mesti :(
mak :(
aku :(
takmau :(
bagi :(

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

My first surgery

Halo. Lemme just get to the title, and yes I am talking about the surgery / operation / pembedahan and whatever you call it. O_O HECK YEAH I HAD AN OPERATION!

It was on 2nd December, but I just decided to write about it after er...... 29 days after? O_O

So, it started since I can't remember when, my menstrual cycle had always been a drunktart. It started with the monthly cycle of 21 days, but the period would be no less than 12 days and sometimes would reach 15 days.(Sorry if this disgust you, but other people's health care and precaution I need to tell it here)

 I went to a local clinic in Jitra during my semester break, and the doctor asked me whether I am married (O_o) [hello people, I look like someone's wife][I wonder who will be my husband!!!!! DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND WACHU DUIN NOW I AM SURVIVING LIFE AND I HAD AN OPERATION DEAR HUBBY]

So I told her no. (Two paragraphs started with So, wow good english)  And she told me that I might experiencing stress that usually how students feel. So I told her okay lah then I okay lah then I told her about my menstrual cycle and such. Well imagine me, being a muslim and could only pray about a week then I was hit with another menstruation. Then she gave me contraceptive pills to regulate my period cycle.

Well, it worked. My cycle turned to be 28 days and no more 21 days. SO LONG SUCCKKKAA

But my period days were still the same, but it was getting worse. From a maximum day of 15, it turned to be 16 and more. I went to a clinic here in Shah Alam but the doctor said the same, she even told me that it is normal as long as I have my period monthly (OK DOC)

During my third semester break, the same thing happened. But it concerned me because I don't really trust what the doctors said and I believed that something irregular was going on with me. That time, my lovely grandma had an operation (too) in KMC. So I took the chance to see the gynae.

His name was doktor kamaruzzaman and he seemed like my dad (by age, not face). So he did ultra-scan on me (that was not my first time tho, third time actually) and HE DISCOVERED TWO CYSTS ON MY OVARIES. Cyst on my right ovary was about 1.6cm, but the one on my left ovary was 7cm. So he said

"Ni kena surgery ni"

okay enough of what. I didn't actually say what. I said "HA?" and was startled. THA HECK. LOL. ok. so we set up the date and THIS WAS SO SURREAL FOR ME. I COULDN'T BRAIN IT.

I have always liked my life to be full of attention, but Lily Collins type of attention, not sick-surgical-im dying-goodbye type of attention. My aunties were at home during that time, teased me about the surgery because they had it before too. Oh well.

*fast forwards the story*

So I checked into the hospital. I slept alone on the first night (what a sad first night I thought it would be full of romance) since my mum had to go home because my grandma also had an operation days before. So she had to take care both of us. ( BEST MUM/NURSE AWARD!!!) I woke up around 4 am because a nurse came and told me to take a medicine. yada3x, so it was time for surgery.

my dad cried, my mum didn't haha what even. Mums are stronger people!!! So i was put on the bed and when I was in the surgery room, it was very nervewrecking. People there were all with masks (O_O) and I needed to do my hands to be T shape. then I was put into sleep by injection and that thing you put on your mouth (duh watch tv next time if you dont get what i mean)

When I woke up, the nurse softly touched my cheeks and called adik, adik dah siap dah ni. I immediately cried saying "Nurse, sakit..." because it did hurt, very much. I was so weak I let them do all the things they needed to do. I didn't eat since 11PM the night before because I had to fast. 

It hurt so bad that  whenever I coughed, I cried and held the bed steel thing idk what do you call it. ANd since I was drugged with anesthetics, I had to puke to let them out. It hurt soooooooooooo bad. Each time your chest moved to let the puke out, you will get an electric shock because it used muscles on your tummy. So I did puke, TWICE. IMAGINE THE PAIN PEOPLE. One around 4pm, and another one around 7pm. I really cried that during my second time puking, my ward mate's mother in law came and held my back because my mum wasn't there and I was crying alone saying sakit sakit. and that night, her husband was afraid to sleep because he might wake me up with his snore :') it was really thoughtful of them. I am grateful for wonderful people around me.

Anyway, I was allowed to go back home on my third day of stay. I could walk but I had to bend a little. It was an experience but I don't want it to happen again. sakit oiiiiiiiiii!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

So what happeneddddddd so far

I swear the second I clicked the 'new post' button the electricity went off O_O wtfs so now it's dark but I dont  really mind because it's still daytime? :o


class started at 9, I woke up at 5 nearly 6 but went back to sleep again and woke up again to pray and sleep again while my housemates are getting ready for their class (i can sleep yay). I didn't know what to wear okay, semalam i wore my grey shirt adam said I looked fat (i hate your gigi besi) so I was really concern on what to wear so I didn't know what to wear but i ended up wearing my a level INPRO white tshirt with a black cardi............................................ I'm still pretty like a model no worries mah fans YOU GUYS ARE DAAA BEST.

Around 8.40 I got into the bus and I really really felt tired I wanted to sleep in the bus but it was too cold because of the airconditioner?????????????????????? so i didnt sleep lah. then later i arrive at intec i walked to my class, my class was located at the third floor okeh i am fat so i dont like walking it stressed me out because it reminded me that i am fat so i didnt feel like talking to people after i arrive and after finally a long journey from turun tangga bas to naik tangga a level i go sit at my place lah pastu ADAM PUNYA FILE ADA ATAS MEJA AKU LIKE WTH KAU PUNYA MEJA KAT SEBELAH AKU PEMASALAH KAU SUKA LETAK BARANG KAT ATAS MEJA AKU so I put it on his table with tak ikhlasly sebab aku benci kau 

then arni arrived from her ponteng class after almost a week (tempat aku dalam kelas dikelilingi orang pemalas kiri kanan) everyone kept saying woah finally you come ah where did u go ha why u still alive not dead yet? then I was having my morning moodswing I didn't wanna layan lah! but I buat2 baik jugakla by saying hi arni lama tak jumpa kau pastu malas nk cakap i focused on my phone. After around 9:21AM, my class rep Choms said PSYCHO CLASS WAS CANCELLED 
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAAT I COULD HAVE SLEPT FOR AN HOUR LONGER K! K K! NAH TRIPLE K! TAKE THAT! But anyway we went down to the cafe to eat and cendawan goreng was available it was good so i ate but then still didn't have the energy so I didn't talk until it was time for lunch. I wasn't supposed to eat rice but i eat jugak because i'm such a badass anyone meltedz heyer? so after i ate rice i became hyperactive i talked talked talked talked talked till it was CTES class.

I entered class and everyone was talking about having pizza or ice cream cake together but NNJ (kinda my diet supervisor, but she's the Nicki Minaj. Geddit? She's the celebrity.) said I couldn't  eat those things because I am on diet so yeah ok whatever and I joke around saying today's class was cancelled (I am the assistant for CTES class because my classmate pranked me).

me : The lecturer is late. Class must have been cancelled
fayyadh : amende kau mana lambat lagi

pastu orang gelak ok jom gelak jugak baca blog ni HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH ok thanks pastu i sat next to fasha and told her that she should make an instagram account since she's already owned a smart phone (she used bb before) 
me : weh buat ah instagram kau dah ada fon mahal dah
fasha : tanak aku guna insta kawan aku je
arni : haah bt insta pastu like semua gambar aku
me : ha buat instagram buat twitter buat semua tapi jangan follow erina sebab DIA TAKKAN FOLLOW KAU BALIK!!!
-orang gelak-
me : *continues* UNLESS KAU LELAKI
-orang gelak, fayyadh tunjuk pedang kena cucuk dada, hazmi nth buat apa, eri pun buat muka macam kena tampaq pastu aku macam sorry sorry sebab memain je-

ok motip tulih blog ni aku nak habaq eri follow aku kat twitter dah.

semoga follow erina terhadap twitter aku kalini kekal. amin. doakan saya kawan2. kkkkwkwkwkwkwkkw

Friday, October 10, 2014

Move on

Bagi aku, move on ni boleh terbahagi pada dua. satu perasaan, satu lagi kenangan. yang bab perasaaan tu, aku dah pernah rasa dan dah pernah berjaya dah move on. tapi apa yang aku tengah alami lani, yang kedua tu. Kenangan.

Jujur aku cakap, aku rasa kenangan ni susah sangat nak lupa. Kadang2 kita dah move on dari perasaan suka dari orang tu, tapi kita rindu benda2 yang kita dah pernah buat dengan dia. Tapi dalam kes aku, aku tak boleh move on dari cerita lama yang buat aku sedih.

Aku tak boleh teringat benda lama, serioustalk aku cepat touching and sensitip gila kalau teringat balik pasai benda ni. Penah dak teringat benda lama walaupun time hang tengah happy, tiba2 hang jadi sedih, mood teruih takdak, ayaq mata murah ja nak turun keluaq. Penah? Susah wei bab benda ni. Nak ja balik p masa lampau pi halang diri aku dari duk involve dengan ______________ ni. hahaha.

dulu masa kecik2 bila aku nangih aku stop nangih sebab aku pikiaq aku takut jadi buta (sebab nangih kan kuaq ayaq mata banyak, takmau jadi mcm p ramlee hat nangeh sampai buta tu) tapi lani aku xleh stop nangih. kuaq ikot suka ja. pui