Saturday, July 05, 2014

On the part of the downside

I've always had interesting introductions that I want to write in every essay or blog post. Sometimes words twinkle in my mind but as for this time, I don't know what to write. Honestly, I don't think I know what should I do now.. Keeping up with the dreams I've always had since long I could remember, to make them come true is a responsibility for me... I don't mind struggling, as long as I could get the dreams.

As what happened and what I faced today, the only word that suits me well might be.... disappointment? After knowing my results, I didn't know what to feel.. Mad? Grateful? Or should I cry? Should I feel all my efforts before are wasted? What should I do? What should I feel? But truth to be told.... I have prepared myself with this situation. I was not surprised to see the results, because I told myself that this might happen. However, what I didn't think back then was what should I do after I get such results.

Right now...... I kinda feel relieved. I am glad. I feel grateful. Not because my results are excellent, but I am thankful that I can feel this. I am thankful that I can experience this. I am thankful to know that this is the time that He is paying attention on me. :)

Reminiscing back about the past, I wasn't tested on hard deals as much as what my friends had faced. Maybe because I wasn't close enough to Him that He knows that I would break down, torn apart and might do something stupid if He tests me...

But this time,

I am ready.

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Happy birthday to me.

The title is a lie ^ right now, i am typing this post is 10.28 pm, 2nd march 2014. Woah. Damn. What should I feel? Birthdays have never been that special day since.... I don't remember when? I do remember when was the last time I really had my birthday party. It was back when I was 11, the party was huuuge. I was so happy to get presents from my friends.

Time long gone. To me now, birthdays are no longer any other special days. Just another day to survive on, and life goes on. I am pretty sure some friends remember my birthday, and some who don't but I really don't mind if they don't. Honestly, now I appreciate friendships more than birthday wishes. I appreciate appreciation from my friends and family. Do I make myself clear here?

What I am saying here is; I am thankful for everything, everyone. thank you people who are reading, people who will be wishing me, giving me good times and laughter. I appreciate everyone.

Happy early birthday to myself. ~(^v^~)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Hi guys. My fight is over. The thing I have been fighting for more than two years shall now be buried, and to never be found back. I don't know what to feel, this uncertainty feeling is not something I think I can describe.. it feels heavy inside, but I can breathe freely now.  I wanna learn and see new things, to see my future and holding on to my past as my guide.. I am thankful for this feeling, the times we spent, the journey we went together, and how grown up I am now compares to the first time we know each other. I am thankful for my past experiences, those are what make me, myself today. I am thankful for the love, I learnt how to be in it. I am thankful for the pain, I learnt how to be stronger. Most importantly, I am grateful for all the things that I have been through. Now, time to wait and see what the future holds. Thank you! #grateful

skn

Let's bury our story and pretend like it has never happened.

13114.

Saturday, February 08, 2014

Unwritten Thoughts

Let me take you to the moment of truth, to a situation where you have questions that you keep to yourself and tell nobody even to your closest friend about it. You might have reasons, but it might be easier to keep it that way. I need a place to tell what I am thinking now, and I am glad the place that I can express my thoughts to is my blog.. Someone might understand what I am going to write, and some might cannot relate to themselves at all.


Let's see.. I honestly don't know where to begin. I can't really define my expressions. There are some times where your friends will tease you, make fun of you with the intention of joking around. But, you end up getting pissed at them. And there will be a time when someone intentionally wants to make you mad, who will say nasty things right in front of you face, or someone who will tell you straightly that that person is lying to you, BUT you ended being fine with it. You can smile. You don't feel anything at all.

"Here is my story. There is a guy whom I have been in love with for two years. The relationship has been on and off. He has someone else at the same thing this is happening"

Penah dak hampa tepikiaq awat benda ni tejadi?  Penah dak terpikiaq oh maybe dia kot yang tu tuu,tapi pernah dak terpikiaq awat kita still choose dia even dah tau benda ni tejadi? Ok. Aku rasa, benda yang aku rasa ni mungkin antara sebab kenapa perempuan boleh hidup bermadu. Tak kira la sakit macam mana pun, lambat laun dia akan telan jugak. Maaf agak geli. Tapi ini realiti.


"I don't know but I believe, that some things were meant to be." - Boyzone

Jadi, jujurnya saya dah tak rasa apa masa dah tahu. Saya pun tak tahu nak respon apa. Saya dah cakap apa yang saya nak cakap, dan saya jujur apa yang saya cakapkan tu. K. Masuk draft.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

So, apakah perubahan aku sepanjang 4 tahun ni?

Aku ingat lagi aku buat blog ni masa aku form 2. Baru ja aku scroll gambaq2 fesbuk aku tengok balik apa dah jadi kat aku ton2 yang lepaih2. Dari kecik sampai lani tapi tak semua la pasai aku punya fesbuk ni ada 2 akaun, hat fes dah delete. Lani dok guna yang kedua, ada gambaq dari form 4 ja. Well.....berikut merupakan apa yang aku rasa aku dah berubah

1. Aku makin bertambah berat badan
benda ni paling ketara kot.duh. DUlu aku dok hingaq kata gemok lani lagi gemok amek hang. Searang aku dok tekad nak diet kurus balik (last time aku rasa ceni masa aku form 3,jujur.) Lama dah tak rasa nak kurus berkobar2 macam ni dalam jiwa hahaha cewah. Berat aku dah melampau sangat dah lani. Aku dah tak enjoy tengok cermin dah >_> dan terlalu ramai sangat wanita2 di luar sana yang terlampau cantik gila babs yang beserta pakej. Dunia merupakan persaingan. Pui. Tipu ja. Aku nak kurus sebab nak kepuasan diri. So aku dok kontrol makan and try p jogging. Doakan la aku kuruih hakhak tuih

2. Aku makin gatai
Hm. Hatni sebenaqnya tak sure sangat makin bertambah ka sama ja sebab aku memang gatai dari dulu sampai lani HAHAHAHAHAHAH k dak dulu aku innocent sikit kot? Tapi aku dok tengok gambaq lama2 aku dok gila Dafi AF5, Edward Cullen dan sebagainya mcm wtf -__-

3. Aku makin pandai urus diri?
Well. Even dulu aku kuruih dari lani, aku haruslah mengaku bahawa dulu aku tak pandai dressing2 ka apa semua ni. Bukan nak kata lani reti. Tapi dulu aku keja pakai tshirt ja. xdak fancy2 clothes smua ni. Ini semua berubah setelah pergi ke amurika pada tempoh hari. Lulz. Sejak2 aku p amurika aku muka amek berat apa aku pakai, elok dak aku pakai, mahai dak baju ni, macam mana nak shopping dan macam mana nak mekap. Ya saya reti mekap lani wooo. Tapi guna eyeliner cayaq masih lagi fail. Eyeliner pensel bulih gajah la. Tapi tak cekap pun. Tapi reti laaa guna foundation and pilih warna lipstick. Banding dengan dulu kan. ceit

4. Mulut saya makin berbisa
Sungguh. Dulu aku tak pandai mencarut. Aku tak kata benda ni baik. Tapi lani aku dah pandai mencarut. Sumpah dulu berani guna babi bodo ja. Lani kalo aku marah orang (dalam bahasa inggeris la,aku still xpandai guna bahasa2 kesat melayu. cek takot. macam kasaq sangat)) keluaq teruih bahasa2 yang fuyoh aku rasa orang nak lwan balik pun tak berani. Berani nak lawan dengan aku. Lagi laser keluaq kot wth

5. Aku rasa dosa makin bertambah
Takdak elaboration untuk point ni. Semoga Allah ampunkan aku dan aku insaf.... :|